Random Thoughts

So like me to make detailed category headings for my "random" thoughts...

DEVELOPMENT
I think it's funny how we actively work to "develop" ourselves. It seems like something that should be passive, like the slow release of tense muscles as we hang out in a yoga pose, but development is more of an active event. My own personal development has been catalyzed by taking assessments such as the MBTI and StrengthsFinder, by working within professional organizations, by living with my completely opposite yet wonderfully perfect companion, and by so much more.

DE-STRESSING PART 1
I use Badger Stress Soother on my temples and forehead and have mint tea and peppermint altoids on hand for particularly trying moments. Mint/aromatherapy helps me SO much. It airlifts me out of a given situation and into a more blissful place. The balm smells like it belongs in a spa, which is where I belong too.

DE-STRESSING PART 2
Hot yoga-I'm obsessed with this new studio lately-clean, tons of showers, a million class options per day, consistent awesome classes, one location 15 min from my house and one 15 min from my work and your membership is good for both studios! I'm in love.

MEDITATION
I love it. My teacher Fez is amazing. Cultivating mindfulness through
1. Calming awareness
-moving from chaos to peace-
2. Asking healthy questions (what do I want, what do I value, why am I meditating? How do I want to feel?)
-moving from foolishness to wisdom-
3. Cultivating a healthy attitude
-moving from negativity to love-
4. Expressing positive actions
-moving from depression to happiness-
I am peaceful, wise, loving, and happy=the ultimate goals of meditation. Boom.

YOUTUBE
My faves of the moment: Howard Stern. Ellen DeGeneres. Jenna Marbles.

Animal Instincts and Manifesting Joy

So I love visualizing people I meet as animals. Maybe that’s strange, but I see someone and in my head I’m going “total turtle over there.” I think I get it from my mom. Today we were chatting before I headed into work and I asked her what animal she thought I was. She said...hmmm...I think you are at least part peacock. She said this is because I am subtle about my gifts and talents, but occasionally I flash my feathers, preening as I strut, and everyone is awed by what I have goin on. It made me smile. Then I decided she is probably a meditating lemur after reading about one in the Huffington Post who was so zoned out in his meditation practice his lemur friends didn’t even know what to do with him! If you were an animal which would you be? And would you say that what you chose makes sense judging by your lifestyle/job/past times? If not, how can you nudge things or shift them in order to get aligned with your inner-creature? If you have a meditation practice maybe you can find yourself in the jungle, the woods, or by the ocean leaping on rocks or scaling a tree. If you don’t have one…maybe we can start with that. Plunk down on your floor in a comfortable seated position, grab a pillow to sit on, slide your back against a wall, place your hands on your thighs and tune into your breath. Let it wash over you like a wave and let your thoughts be the loud crashing of water as it breaks into white foam and rolls out towards the shore. See if you can sit for 5 minutes and every time your attention moves away from the object of your breath rolling in and rolling out you can begin again. Learning to begin again on your meditation pillow and on your yoga mat make it so much easier to begin again in the world. One of my favorite quotes is “I am not giving up; I am simply beginning again.” How does beginning again allow you to manifest joy? Are you ready for this because once you start on this path I am warning you that the abundance and overwhelming influx of goodness will be scary. Your biggest problems will stem from being in a love stupor, being stoned on good will and loving kindness. Here is my recipe for manifesting joy: Be grateful, be eager to grow from every situation, be fully present. Give of yourself at every moment. Expect less in situations. Take time to notice the oxygen flooding every cell of your body and nourishing your organs. Take time to notice the cleansing release of carbon dioxide as you sigh out what you no longer need. Take things less personally. SHIELD YOUR CORE. Realize that as a loving being you must have an open heart, but protect everything that roots you, makes you creative, and instinctually strong. This is not selfish; giving to yourself first allows you the energy and personal power to give ten fold to those around you. And don’t forget to try to be like the lemur as much as possible. Namaste <3 M

Hello Old Friends

It's been a while! I've been busy-workin my little tush off and trying to heal. I had some HEALTH ISSUES this fall and I had to sort them out. I'm doing much better now with an invigorated diet and health regimen. Feeling good.

To be honest, even though I think it could potentially help people to go into the details of what's going on, I have taken the stance that it's better to be tight-lipped about my health. I feel happier when I just talk about/focus on how amazing things are. My job, boyfriend, friends, family, etc. I am a very fortunate person and THAT is what my thoughts and energy should be spent on. If having a health challenge takes up time, I sure as hell am not going to let it take up any more by THINKING about it too.

So when I say I am working my tush off it involves many components: I have a sweet job that I really love working at a huge pharmaceutical company, training to be/becoming an intellectual property archivist. It's really involving, intellectually stimulating, and all that good stuff. The company has AMAZING perks (fabulous benefits, getting MLKJR day and President's day off...10 holiday parties...gym on site...free food all the time, etc. etc.) and I love the people I work with (as much as one can love working long hours and being told they could be better-hey that just means they know you are capable of more! growth=promotion...right people!?

So anyway...on top of those shennanigans I also teach yoga twice per week which I LOVE. I love the energy, hearing everyone breathing together and visibly softening as they make space in their bodies and minds for so much more than they could have imagined. It makes me so happy...seriously.

I'm also doing some educational consulting. I get to work with kids and prep them for college and make them laugh and stop stressing! It's pretty sweet. And it's pretty nice to actually use my masters now and again ;-).

So in between all of that craziness I try to stay centered and grounded. I didn't make New Year's Resolutions because I feel like every day I set small goals and seek to achieve great things.

On my list: Be 100% set with my emergency fund (3-6 months living expenses in a savings account I don't touch), make a giant dent in my student loans by the end of the year (pay them all off in 5 years), do more yoga, drink more green juice, eat more kale (if possible...i love kale...trust me there are ways to eat it that are really amazing), and completely finance and have peace of mind about my trip to Costa Rica so that Amanda and I can have the time of our lives running (or maybe I will just be watching TBD), doing yoga, surfing, laying on the beach, drinking tropical bevvies, and wearing gorgeous bikinis and island style dresses (thanks mama G and mama C!)

That's it for now!
xoxo
Morg

Tending to the garden

"FLOWER POWER MEDITATION: Every time you have a negative thought about yourself, especially the ones that recur, I want you to sit down or close your eyes wherever you are. Imagine your thought as a black flower, with a stem and root going down into the earth. With your mind’s eye, follow that stem and root way down, to see what’s nourishing it.

Can you picture an event, a person or an interaction that was the seed of that thought growing in you? With practice, and stillness, and of course, not judging the process but simply observing it, I bet you can.

Once you realize what’s at the root of your negative belief, picture digging it all up with your magic shovel, and tossing it on the compost heap. Re-plant a new flower and sprinkle a new intention into the healthy earth as you do. See the flower grow and blossom into a beautiful, colorful multi-petaled wonder.

This meditation helps inherently shift brain patterning, and the more you can revisit that flower, water it with your continued attention to shifting the belief through thinking, speaking and acting differently toward yourself, the sooner you’ll be the proud owner of a fierce flower patch"-Sadie Nardini


What if when you felt your blood pressure elevating you got on your yoga mat...did a few sun As and sun Bs and made your way into some luscious reclining twists on your back?

What if you gave yourself more credit...let go of fear and shame in the name of self-love and inner peace...viewed yourself as the healer you are...ate more green veggies and halved your alcohol and coffee intake...started your day with a gratitude list...made a box filled with affirmations (in the present tense...short and sweet...visions of the life you don't even dare to dream of) and reviewed it often...were nicer to yourself and to others....let the past feel farther and farther away as you embraced the present with new found freedom?

What if you believed in yourself and knew you were worthy. You were enough. You were fearless and ambitious and righteous and fierce. You were taking steps to heal....because our bodies are meant to heal... knew your body was strong and, when fed healing foods and bathed in healing thoughts, is capable of miracles? What if you knew that you can take the power back. You can live the life you dream of living...That if you can dream it you can attain it?

Love to you all.

Today's affirmation

I have a bright and shiny immune system that kicks the crap out of challenges. I am positive, uplifted, inspired, and free. I am filled with courage, clarity, and peace and attract prosperity and health to myself. I am brave and strong. I am loved and loving. I am as patient and gentle with myself as I am with all others. I am a channel through which life force flows. I do my best with my breath and it heals me. All is well in my world. I am perfect, whole, and complete in this moment.

Namaste

Family Time

"A woman sees in the world what she carries in her heart."-Goethe

Things I LOVE about my family:

My mom's generosity. My dad's biting wit. My brother's gentle spirit. Lotta's loveable ditziness. Sonia's fierce lapdog-loyalty. The way my mom mushes all of her food together and calls it "creativity." Her eye for interior design and fashion. Her stubborness and spirituality. Her endlessly abundant love for her children. My dad's inclinations towards bananas, bland crackers, and whole tomatoes and the way he will still get down and do 50 push ups if you make a crack about his age. My brother's openness to yoga despite his favorite hobbies being weight lifting and eating steak. The comfort of being together...our little unit.

So proud to wish my parents a happy 27th wedding anniversary today. Every moment I am with them reinforces my beliefs in the power of resillience and love to overcome absolutely anything. The sacrifices they have made and the joy they have derived from their relationship continue to inspire and amaze me.

I cannot wait to take them on their first duck tour. To introduce them to life alive smoothies and warm plates. To see the puppy tails wagging wildly and to scoop them up and cradle them like infants.

<3 Enjoy the weekend!!!!!!!!
xoMorgan

Love List

Ten Things I am loving this week:

1. SOUP. There is nothing better in winter time than pure warm veggie love. I cooked up a giant pot of root vegetable stew with: roasted turnips, sweet potatoes, butternut squash, and carrots; sauteed celery, onions, garlic, lentils, and chives; and veggie broth. Oh my gawd it's great. That + cuban bean soup had me slavin with my chopping board on Sunday, which I find extremely therapeutic. Much gratitude to the veggie gods for the divine soupspiration!

2. Requests from my students. There is nothing I love more than putting out the question: does anyone have any requests? In a yoga class I am teaching and getting a resounding YES! I love suggestions and how they can be infused into whatever idea I already had in mind for class. Yesterday I was asked to work on shoulders and arms. We did a shoulder sequence involving long holds, openings of the front and back body, deep breathing and visualization. My students were like buttah at the end. One actually could not peel herself off of the floor. I love that goo-ifying effect of yin postures and really marinating in a sequence. Yum.

3. My cube in my new office. Our new location is a change of pace; it's not located right next to my yoga studio or fave juice bar, but it is gorrrgeous. One thing I love is the oodles of natural light. Another is my cube. It is immaculate and way in the back corner. I have a smattering of pictures on a small panel right behind my computer. I love looking at all of the postcards I have collected from my travels, the photography of talented friends, my boyfriend and my smiling faces, and art from the Isabella Stewart Gardner museum. What better way to brighten up the work day!

4. Forever 21. Number one, I don't want to actually be Forever 21...I love my mid twenties :), BUT this store is fantastic. Where else can you get an adorable and chic sweater for less than 20 bucks that you can wear to death? You get to love it while you have it and not feel bad if it gives out after 20 wearings. Amazing!

5. My family. They are visiting this weekend. My mom, dad, and brother...and they are bringing the puppies!Oh how I love my tiny little devilish balls of furry love. I cannot wait to cook my fam elaborate vibrant veggie-full meals and take them on the duck tour and give them a billion hugs.

6. SLEEP. Enough said.

7. Bananas. So delicious and so high in potassium. Winning combo.

8. Bravo. I heart Andy Cohen and his late night shenanigans. He is legit the only man that can be sloppy drunk on his own talk show and work it.

9. Cuddling with Tom. So good for my health.

10. My holiday party at work. OMG so excited to rock my holiday shoes and feel like a VIP at the function hall in the Museum of Science. Love my job.

What's on your love list??

xoMorgan

A good night's sleep

"Man should forget his anger before he lies down to sleep."-Mohandas Gandhi

Morgan's recipe for a fabulous night's sleep:

1. Set your sleeping and waking intentions, for example: "I sleep soundly at ten PM and wake up feeling vibrant and rested at 6am"
2. Take a body inventory...what aches? what needs love? google a quick yoga sequence on youtube and spend 15-20 minutes in long holds opening your shoulders, nourishing your aching quads, flexing and pointing your feet.
3. Eat a nutritious meal no later than 3 hours before bed.
4. Get cozy. Wear something soft and lovely. Darken the room completely. Stop playing on the internet a half hour before bed. focus on your breath.

How do you prepare for sleep? Has it been successful? Do you do any of the above and if so does it help? Take a little inventory, shift some of your practices, and see what comes up for you. I am mainly writing this because it wouldn't hurt for me to revisit this list often.

Oh yes! and happy halloween.

xoMorgan

Celebrate your inner rockstar

"I don't keep up with the Joneses, I am the Joneses."-NeNe Leakes

There is something so ridiculously cool about Janis Joplin. I love to play her albums and feel transported to her era...I imagine I'd be rocking a giant faux fur vest, bell bottoms, and tinted shades. I would be mellow and in love with the earth. Awed by mother nature and sweet soulful music.

Sense memories are so powerful. A favorite cd, scented candle, the way the air feels one morning can deeply impact my mood. When I lose sight of who I am and what makes me happy I sometimes wish things were easier or I start comparing myself to others. Instead why not dig deep and find that inner rockstar, inner budhette, inner raw foods chef, inner CEO and redirect my thought train before it spirals off the track.

So at those times when I feel a little less than...a little un-Janis...a little disconnected from my inner radiance...I vow to come back to my mantra...developed here and now and inspired by NeNe:

I don't keep up with the Joneses I AM the Joneses. I am perfect, whole and complete right this moment. And so are you.

xoMorgan

Live Your Dreams

FFT: "I should peddle butterflies
there's a shortage in the city
i'll stand on a street corner
mysterious and giddy
when the passersby passby
i will open up my trenchcoat
they will see the butterflies
dangling like fake rolexes
every morning i wake up with a purpose and a smirk."-Regina Spektor

Every day that I live my dreams is a day I really live. This can mean:
-Making an impromptu vision board at work in my cube filled with: pictures of European landmarks, Icelandic artistry, the scrawling of loved ones, and a snapshot of neon kayak's against a cloudless blue sky in Waikiki.
-Starting my day with a green smoothie or the entire batch of kale chips I intended to snack on over the course of a few days (whoops) and feeling so ALIVE.
-Setting an intention and celebrating when I see its benefits
-Teaching a new yoga sequence and inspiring courage, strength, and compassion in my students.
-Practicing kapalabati (breath of fire) on my walk home.

Like Regina's butterfly peddler, I dream big and wake up every day with a purpose and a smirk. I smile from the inside and it radiates. I have millions of dreams. Whenever a new desire approaches I feel excited. More to want. More to visualize. More to be pleased about.

I notice there is more clarity and ease in this process when I eat in a clean way. When I eliminate caffeine, alcohol, all nighters, and dairy from my "god pod"-Kris Carr's catchy term for our bodies-and up my intake of greens, wheat grass, spirulina, and water-it rocks my world. I feel clearer so that I can be a vessel for healing, dreaming, and receiving joy.

Try it tonight. Focus on your dreams. Visualize them in 3D. Breathe into your vision and let any doubts exit through your fingers and toes as you exhale.

Until tomorrow!

xoMorgan

Embracing "the lesson" in Criticism

FFT: "Reduce intellectual and emotional noise until you arrive at the silence of yourself, and listen to it."-Richard Brautigan

Today I got "criticized" at work. I wouldn't even call it criticism, really. More like a critique. What is the difference? From my perspective, being criticized is more subjective/emotional, while a critique is used to evaluate a given situation or person in an objective and analytical fashion.

7 months ago, in my mind, there was no difference between the two. If you were telling me I "did something wrong" I was crushed. If you praised me I felt proud. There were no grey areas. But OH! did this not serve me-to be so categorical in my organization of feedback. It made me ADDICTED to praise without understanding the richness and true meaning behind a critique. So when I finally figured this out, I realized this: It is EMPOWERING to understand that not everyone is going to like everything you do. It is EMPOWERING to take what I need from feedback and not bash myself over the head with the "noise." When I allow the feedback to resonate I can absorb it, silently parsing out the bruised ego from the lesson.

Today's lesson? If I call a meeting I should be on top of ending the meeting...even if it totally spirals and everyone is on their own tangents and people WAY MORE important than me are going on and on...if there is even the slightest lull in the room it is my responsibility to gently nudge everyone to conclude, while pacifying any fears by assuring the group that the issue will be resolved at a later date.

7 months ago I may have gone and cried in the bathroom because I "handled things poorly." Or spent three hours on the phone with my boyfriend (sorry Tom) or friend (sorry Amanda) trying to figure out why oh why! things went so tragically wrong.

By breathing in and breathing out. Getting quiet. Reducing the noise. And finding the lesson in the situation I come out winning. In fact...I am a better employee, leader, and meeting caller for it.

It is a lesson I have to keep on practicing. Listening with an open heart and letting the process of growing be easy. Choosing to grow through joy. If I am going to get feedback either way...I might as well find a way to enjoy it :).

Until tomorrow!

xoMorgan

Threading the needle

Food for thought of the day (FFT):

"Today, bring whoever you encounter a gift: a compliment or flower. Gratefully receive gifts. Keep wealth circulating by giving and receiving care, affection, appreciation and love."-Deepak Chopra



Lately my favorite yoga pose has been threading the needle from anahatasana. Anahatasana is basically child's pose (press your hips back over your heels and reach your arms in front of you letting your chest melt into the earth...a very rooted posture)with a bit more kick. In anahatasana you actually lift your hips up away from your heels and press your sitz bones back towards the ceiling behind you. you then reaaaach your arms in front of you. The more open yogi will have their chin (rather than their forehead) on the mat and may even work towards their chest fully making contact with the earth. Why is this pose SO key for me? It is a MEGA shoulder opener. It is typically done to prepare for handstands to really "turn on" the shoulders, triceps, etc....but what I find is that after a long day at my corporate job what I need is a MASSAGE. This pose really gives a juicy stretch to the traps and rhomboids-the muscles that retract your shoulders (can we say TIGHT!?) And because I always am seeking a little more oomf! in my life...whether on or off the mat...I love to thread the needle in this pose (see picture for complete posture). Ohhh the sweet release! I tend to duck out of a couple of down dog interludes during a vinyasa class to take a few of these puppies.

That's really all I've been up to since my last update in August...threading the needle :).

Check back in tomorrow. I'm going to be posting daily. I need a little more inspiration and positivity in my world. How bout you?

xoMorgan

You taught it to me

Do you ever feel like your good words or deeds go unnoticed? Sometimes I feel like I am just parroting myself...sharing a positive tid bit or helping individuals redirect negative energy or teaching a student I tutor about slowing downnnnnn or a new yogi in my class to protect their knee in a warrior pose....

And it feels like the words come out of my mouth...land out there in the world and just dissolve.

But sometimes someone reminds me of the power in my kind intentions and strong convictions. One of my intentions is to live in a way that is mindful and inspirational.

How do I do this?

I am constantly trying to be a better person. Searching for "the message" in challenges, and seeking to grow through joy.

One immensely helpful affirmation I continuously come back to...."I AM A MAGNET FOR DIVINE PROSPERITY"

Why does this help me?

Because it is a way of saying not only do POSITIVE experiences magnitize themselves to me, but as I walk through the world I am magnetizing opportunities, richness, joy, and peace to myself. Prosperity is not just about monetary wealth.

I was speaking to a friend of mine and she said "I have been saying that over and over ever since you taught it to me"

This friend was very skeptical of this whole affirmation thing (it sounds a little kooky, can you blame her?), but recently I noticed a shift in her. She has been more joyful, more positive, she has more self-belief. And you know what? She landed her dream job.

Coincidence? Perhaps.

But I believe the quality of your thoughts DO have an impact on the quality of your life. And they certainly did for her.

Do I take credit? Not really. This isn't about me. I am just doing what I believe I was put on earth to do. To grow through joy, to take the lessons I learn and share them.

My Dharma

Recently I find myself fine-tuning my activities, thoughts, words, and deeds in order to maximize my peace and stability. I am grateful for the many people that have taught me I have choices-every minute, every second-that contribute to the quality of my life. Life isn't happening to me it's happening for me. How true and sweet those words are. It is so easy when still and quiet to let them resonate. To really SEE.

But sometimes I forget. I come out of this glittering white cocoon I have woven and experience fear, resistance, shame, and doubt. This is just contrast. This is just a reminder that there is more to want.

This year has been full of contrast and more than any other time in my life I wanted so badly for things that have in the past seemed like they would always be there. Success, support, guidance, security. I yearned for these things with my entire being and I believed they would come. Wisdom is knowing that if there is darkness there must be light. Wisdom is knowing to ask for help. And to take help even when you did not ask for it.

I have so many guardian angels here on earth.

I have so much to live for.

Yoga has been an unbelievable support. More than yoga, my breath. The bonds I have made this year in a time of crisis and uncertainty are beyond any that I could have ever imagined. My yoga family is loving, strong, brave, and pure. The 48 person hug I received every weekend this winter was my breath when I forgot to breathe.

I believe I was able to receive this and everything amazing that has happened since (my fabulous boyfriend, my amazing new career, my job teaching amazing and strong students at google every week, my flourishing work as an educational consultant that takes me to beautiful destinations, my beautiful family, etc. etc.) because I lost things that were taking up the space. The things I did not need fell away to make room for more and better.

I especially want to mention Taylor Wells for continuing to help me through her writing. When I feel myself losing touch with my spirituality and inner guide I read her blogs on super-mom.com and on her Best Life Ever blog from the Boston Herald. They remind me I always have a choice. To breathe. To get on my mat. To listen to beautiful music and read beautiful inspiring words. That to stay present in this moment is all I really have to do because this moment is my life.

Sweet dreams to all of my old friends and new. Just one more reminder (for you and for me) that you are enough. You are beautiful as you are. It takes as much energy to be brave as it does to be afraid. Being exactly who you are is your gift. It is your dharma. To spread happiness like wildfire and inevitably have happiness return to you.

Wishing you joy, love, light, clarity, wisdom and peace. The best night. The best life. All you seek to manifest. Or more. Or Better.

Namaste

30 Things

Jack Canfield says one of the keys to having clarity about direction for your life and your greater purpose is making this list: 30 things you want to be, 30 things you want to do, and 30 things you want to have. Here goes (in no particular order):

BE
-happy
-healthy
-peaceful
-balanced
-kind
-savvy
-giving
-fun
-light
-comfortable
-calm
-loving
-confident
-compassionate
-loyal
-punctual
-worldly
-aware
-realistic
-hopeful
-pragmatic
-energetic
-helpful
-altruistic
-stylish
-pure
-genuine
-strong
-open
-courageous

DO
-Travel (New Zealand, Fiji, India, and Brazil)
-Expand my yoga life
-Keep running
-Finish training for my half marathon and run it strong
-Make lots of money doing things I enjoy
-Learn how to make sushi
-Advance at my job
-Buy a very powerful camera
-Get Lasik eye surgery
-Write and publish a book
-Read at least a few pages of a book every day
-Let go of anger and resentment that only serves to hold ME back
-Show everyone in my life how much I love and appreciate them
-Improve at my inversions
-Beat Tom at Scrabble
-Study anatomy
-Study biochemistry
-Visit Amanda and Paul in San Francisco
-Spend lots of time at the beach
-Share my life with someone I love
-Get a masters degree in science
-become a fluent Spanish speaker
-Get to Kripalu
-Get back into spinning
-Make more green juice smoothies
-Pamper myself
-Take drawing/writing classes
-See NY theater
-Hang art that I love in my room
-Meditate


HAVE
-Inner peace
-Comfortable quiet time
-Good dreams
-A sense of self
-Direction
-Great hair
-Footing beneath me
-Meaningful relationships
-Security
-Stability
-Health
-Abundance
-Prosperity
-Perspective
-Love
-Acceptance
-Clarity
-Wisdom
-Joy
-Support
-Connection
-Access to art and creativity
-The feeling of being nurtured
-Patience
-Opportunity
-Energy
-Inspiration
-Affection
-Attention
-Fun


That felt very nice.

Buddha works at the New Balance Outlet

The perfectionist inside of me is screaming out "why am I not pleasing everyone?" My inner yogi is in lotus pose chanting ohmmmmmmmm and saying "I am enough." Who do I listen to? Do I listen to the fear and dread-that perhaps I am not the perfect friend, that I don't say the right thing, that I'm guarded, I look out for myself, I'm moody, I demand an unreasonable degree of loyalty, I'm sometimes less than punctual, and I blurt out my thoughts when my friends are in the middle of really important sentences?

Or do I reaffirm that I am loving, kind, loyal, patient, giving, generous with my spirit, and full of enough sunshine or piss and vinegar depending on the moment and on the friend to make everyone feel like I have their back?

Sometimes it's easier to give in to the doubt and negative talk like I'm in quick sand and I might as well just go with the sinking...rather than struggling to grasp on to anything solid that might lift me up.

I've been running a lot. I'm training for a half marathon and it's SOON. I guess being nice to myself and giving myself credit for the good is kind of the same thing as training for a half. The first run is uncomfortable, cramps, doubt, physically and emotionally wrenching.

This slowly eases up over time. Sometimes I'm even excited to run (I can barely believe I just wrote that). And soon I'm totally in the moment. Feeling the cool air on my face...consumed by the purity of nature. I feel like I'm flying-soaring above my body soaking in the seemingly infinite expanse of glistening river.

When I'm practicing loving kindness towards myself I feel that same peace. Like I no longer have to struggle against this moment...hoping it passes quickly so I can be in the next one already. Like everything I do and say is perfection because it comes from my heart and my heart is pure.

Over the course of training I've absolutely fallen on my ass on slick steps and looked up, my body stinging, to see a stranger, puzzled as to how I could be so clumsy, and kept running. I've felt dehydrated, I've questioned myself, and I've left work in the middle of the day for an emergency PT appointment when I thought my soreness could be a stress fracture...only to realize I should probably trade in my 5 year old cross trainers for running shoes. Whoops.

That's the process sometimes. Full of falls and stinging moments. But it gets easier. Everything worth having is worth working for. Happiness is worth the practice, endurance, and heart ache that ensues on the journey. It makes the sweet sweeter.

I had such a mental block about running at first. I felt resentful that it meant giving up time in the yoga studio-a place where I have found space to develop spiritually. But there's always a lesson. Today's? We aren't human beings having spiritual experiences...we are spiritual beings having human experiences. They are always there for us to integrate and grow from...more importantly they help us heal. Life means being cracked wide open...being raw...and rebuilding...again and again and again...like my feet hitting the pavement. Sometimes you luck out and someone gives you a tip-there are shoes that will soften the blow...I'm meditating on my gratitude for the tips. For each run...the ugly ones...and the ones where I soar. Giving thanks for all of the people I have the privilege of calling my friends...whether or not I'm "getting a 4.0 in friendship."

Maybe now that I've unburdened these thoughts I'll sleep peacefully. Maybe they'll even help somebody.

Baggage

What exactly is baggage? So in literal terms it's a container filled with your things. It can be quite useful. Maybe you put your clothes in there and carry them with you on a trip, maybe it's got all of your earthly possessions and takes up enough space for a UHAUL...I personally think that airports have the right idea in how they approach this whole baggage thing. They force you to weigh your baggage and it can't be over the weight limit. If it is, not only do they charge you lots of money, but you can't take it with you on the plane. Why do they do this? Because if everyone took all of their baggage on the plane with them do you know what would happen? THE PLANE WOULD TANK. 1,000s of pounds of CRAP would literally sink the passengers quicker than the speed of a rock dropped in a pool of water.

Maybe there's something to that.

Maybe, if there was no one there to monitor us, we would just take absolutely everything we could, thinking we couldn't survive without it. And everyone would be squished together with their "die-without-them" items, sucking in air in order not to suffocate from the lack of room.

Why can't someone weigh our professional, relationship, and spiritual baggage the same way? Wouldn't it be so helpful if before we could smuggle into our new job our preconceived notions of how things will go, what others are thinking of us, and how we have struggled in the past, we could only pick a few select pertinent experiences to reference and the rest had to be relegated to the cargo area?

Or with relationships...if we couldn't drag in every fight, every tear, every painful ending, but instead pick our top three moments to reflect upon in the present...the rest could be in a storage space with a fee of 100 dollars per month and limited visitation rights or straight up thrown away.

How different would life be if that was the case?


For now, without an actual legal limit on my baggage toting, I'm going to have to use the honor's system and take a hard look at what I'm lugging on my back. The seemingly benign thoughts that tend to spiral through my head leave me feeling wound up and tense and paranoid and totally drained, so I'm proclaiming right here and now that I'll be doing self-check in. I think I'm over the limit for the day and feeling lighter already because as we speak I'm vowing to cast aside some of this dead weight.

I can feel myself breathing easier already.

Abundance

There's this thing I learned in grad school...that stress is when you have this feeling like everything that you want and need is sitting on top of you...just out of reach...on the other side of your existence...and you can feel it, but have no idea how to get to it.

That's how I've felt for a long time. I have been reading a lot of these good old PPY Teacher Training requirements, including You Can Heal Your Life, Miracles, and Moving into Stillness, and I've realized that instead of trying to claw my way out from underneath the suffocating barrier between me and all I desire, there is an entrance way through which I can walk to get there.

So you know the expression, "when the student is ready, the teacher appears." Well I am the student, I'm ready, and it feels like these books are my teachers. I've learned the lesson, thank you universe, ALAKAZAM! Where is the doorway?

So how do I get through? Well, it starts by acknowledging how silly and crazy it actually is to feel suffocated by abundance! Once you identify that that's what it actually is. That's about 80% of the battle. Otherwise we think "I deserve this anxiety. I deserve this suffering. This not knowing. This pervasive worry. It's all I've known and all I will know. Otherwise, why would I be experiencing it?"

But what we should be thinking is "I have the tools to access all that I want. It is all inside me. The universe is abundant. Once I acknowledge the abundance it is mine to access."

Well so far it's been about 2 weeks of working with these principles and the following has happened: Had the best Valentines Day ever; kicked ASS at demo-teaching and felt proud and full of light among my peers; got offered an incredible opportunity that signifies a new, wonderful chapter in my life...

Suddenly trains seem to come quicker, I feel happier, lighter, I am able to identify other people's moods and separate them from myself "cut chords of the past" and "shield my chakras" if you will.

I feel I am able to touch people with this new lightness I'm feeling and it's getting easier to meditate. I feel myself glowing, surrounded by white light, signifying the closeness of myself to the divine. And it feels so soothing. I feel so protected and rooted. Day by day I grow stronger. I am the seed unfurling and becoming a tree. Without struggle, but with grace.

I am also more sensitive to the positivity of others and how sensitive and reactive others are to my positivity. For instance, I spoke to someone today who said "well sure, bad things can always happen, but to be honest if you have faith in yourself and know what you're capable of then why would you think that they will?" It's so easy to forget how powerful our own knowledge of self can be.

My two most favorite Louise Hay affirmations are so simple:
"I approve of myself" (three or four hundred times per day until you actually do)
and
"I am a magnet for divine prosperity" (how much ass does that one kick?)

I also adore Stuart Wilde's assertion that if we believe ourselves to be wealthy and live life believing in the abundance of opportunities and joy then our lives will become our actions. The universe only knows what you tell it. So why not strongly believe in and live as your highest self? Why not embody pure potential?

Why not take 3 minutes...close your eyes...and be still...ask to be rooted, ask to be lifted...ask what your spirit loves

and do it?

Chakras, The Lumbar Spine, and French Fries

Imagine me, in typical bag-lady fashion, plopping down on my white leather sectional in my gorgeous Cambridge loft apartment, peeling off layers of sweaty spandex, and flipping furiously through my training notebook for the page with my notes on chakras, so that I can show my loving and saintly boyfriend what I've deduced is the next step for me on my path of spiritual evolution, and what his chakras mean. When I try to explain that I think he's aligned overall, with his spiritual upper chakras: his strong intution, deep compassion, ability to wrap his head around the big-picture, just as activated as his lower chakras: his groundedness, will, and stability. Whereas I live in the upper chakras, floating above the daily grind, giggling at the notion of trying to fit my round-booty-peg in the square holes all around me. As one of my fellow teacher trainees said (quoting Joan Rivers) "Just because it zips, honey, doesn't mean it fits." Just picture me jumping up and down, laying on the floor, trying to zip up and into the prescribed "right" course of action. Not a pretty sight.

So there we sat, him slowly understanding and maybe even accepting, my realization, that I could do with some grounding, but that I should never give up the amazing gift of my spirituality and ethereal mindset. Thank goodness the three upper and lower chakras are connected by the fourth, the heart. His and mine are both open, we become flooded with compassion and, in turn, humbled by loving kindness.

It kind of makes sense that the neurotic cerebral long island yoga loving surf haired flower child would meet the golf playing number crunching incense burning ohio hippy college grad and fall in love.

Which brings me to the lumbar spine...I kid! I just love when the most warm, sweet, gaga loving, guided meditation guru of a yoga instructor, Alex, comes at us with his model pelvis and talks about our vertebra like points in a game of battleship. My faves are L4 and L5...susceptible to injury and easily protected by proper alignment.

So really the functional anatomy and spiritual skeleton I'm developing through my 24 hour per weekend intensives have led me to conclude I should eat more salt. Salt comes from the earth and I was told by a reiki master I need grounding. More french fries. Sounds like a good plan to me.

Dating Myself

In New York City it feels natural to venture out and explore by oneself. New York itself is probably the best companion a person could ask for. There is that churning, musical, warm, burnt chestnuts and garbage and hot dogs and break dancing and jangling bangle bracelets and fast walkers and babies and tourists energy that you can roll around in until it absorbs. And before you know it you're so completely full of the companionship of the city that you laugh to yourself. You've found the antidote for a lonely heart.

Knowing how beautiful a solitary day in New York can be, I may have entered into the process a bit jaded when I attempted to date myself in Boston.

First of all, with the devastation going on in Haiti right now and the abject status of my checking account, I have no capability of donating money to _____ charity. When you're walking alone in Harvard Square or on Newbury Street it seems that you are metaphorically re-painting your forehead with a huge red bulls-eye. I dodged and ducked and rolled and ninja back flipped my way around the cobble stone streets desperately avoiding the pleading voices of the bright blue vested task force of solicitors. I am sorry, but I just donated to St. Jude's and the Red Cross and I really...have... to go now I pleaded internally. I really needed something uplifting to happen to convince me that dating myself in this city could actually happen and it wouldn't lead to my feeling vulnerable and helpless.

I walked towards the first parish church with few expectations, but great hopes.

The line spilled out the door. Women of all ages, shapes and sizes (and a few wonderfully supportive husbands) eagerly awaited entry. There was a buzz of lightness and hope that transported me back to my city of birth. There was an energy I do not often feel in Boston that made this venue itself into a living breathing being, a perfect companion for the night.

We were all awaiting entry into a room where soon Elizabeth Gilbert, best-selling author and one of Time magazine's 100 most influential people in the world would soon stand. She worte Eat. Pray. Love. A book that has touched me in ways that words will not do justice. During the question and answer section last night, after Liz, with her radiance, and her statuesque Nordic presence, and her soothing controlled voice, and her razor sharp wit, read to us from her new novel Committed, which I will be purchasing as soon as my stafford loan refund check gets deposited into my account (scornfully laughing over here), one of her readers made the comment we all wanted to, allowing everyone in the church to exhale with satisfaction.

He said, "A few years ago I was exiled to Panama and was in a very dark place. I was told by good friends that I needed to read a book that healed and they told me about your book. Your book, your words, healed. So thank you." The audience erupted in applause because many of us, myself included, who had just broken up with a great love, and desperately wanted to find herself again, agreed. He then said, "And my question is...How do you know when you're healed?"

The audience erupted in laughter. As did Ms. Gilbert. Who responded, with the eloquence and grace of a figure skater, knowingly positioning herself for a triple axle, "I don't know if being healed is a reasonable end goal for any of us. Being good enough might be a bit more doable. And I think I knew I was getting there when I stopped waking up at four in the morning sobbing every day. I was like someone walking away from a firing squad, amazed that I still had all my limbs in tact."

That was a paraphrase. But you get the message.

Last night I experienced an hour of highly concentrated love. I was in the presence of a magical woman who has touched the 7 million readers of her memoir and the many people those 7 million people shared their purchased copies with.

By the time I had inched my way up to the book signing desk and handed her my worn and dog-eared copy, I knew not what to say to this marvelous creature who has made it her life's mission to express her truth from start to finish, through written word. I wanted to tell her how she made me stare my sadness in the face and conquer it. I wanted to tell her what a blessing she has been to my life. Or about my desires to write and my fears and preoccupations. But it all seemed so inadequate compared to a sincere smile. When we faced each other, I put my hand to my heart and softly said "Thank you for writing." and she replied "Thank you for reading." And swirled the pen over the title page.

I walked out of the church feeling light and full of love. Maybe Boston will be a better companion than I had anticipated.